Saturday, February 28, 2009

In Which I Ruminate...



As some of you know, we are dealing with Mark's mom's moderate to severe Alzheimer's Disease. She refuses to see a doctor, won't take so much as an aspirin, and considers herself to be healthy "pioneer stock". Mark's dad is doing the best he can and has taken over the cooking and such, but she's really way too much for him to have to look after. They are in their early 80s and he has health issues of his own. She's bad enough that she's preventing him from seeking the care he needs as well. Anyway, without going into all the gory details, it is time for her to be cared for in a facility and we are starting Monday with getting her evaluated and placed.

Soooo, in Mark's communications with his sister about all this, he was presented with the story of how he came to be a part of their family.

Mark's mom has always told conflicting stories about the adoption of their children. He was never really sure where he or his sister came from or the reason his parents couldn't have children of their own. His sister told him yesterday that his birth mother is a relative of a woman his parents knew socially here in our hometown. She claims to have seen this woman once and says there is a very strong resemblance. My mom, Mark and I have, on rare occasion, seen a young man(maybe 8-12 years younger than Mark) who could be his twin. Same hair color, facial structure, body frame, eye color. Mark knows the friends of his parents, he even saw the husband in Walmart last week. He has never, to his knowledge, seen the woman who might be his birth mother. We don't know the situation that caused her to give him up for adoption. Maybe she was a young adult, unmarried and pregnant for the first time, or maybe she was older, divorced and unable to take the responsibility for another child. It wouldn't be hard to find out these things without actually contacting this family, but it would be nice to hear the true story from someone who knows. It is SO unfair that the adults(when he was born) are the keepers of the knowledge. Even now, as an adult, he is, possibly forever, in the dark about his blood lineage while "everybody else" knows his history.

Does Mark want to know her story? We've talked about it and I think he does but not right now. He has an enormous volume of work with his new business and the goings on with his parents so it might be a while before he's able to focus on this part of his life. I hope he chooses to approach the family about finding his birth mother. There are medical issues he's dealing with that are adult onset, things we might need to know for the sake of our children.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we deal with his mom and dad. Its going to be stressful for everyone involved rest assured.

6 comments:

A Slice of the Pie said...

Take care Molly and I will keep you guys in my thoughts, for sure.

Kel

Anet said...

You sure will be in my thoughts and prayers! I hope it will be a smooth transition for Mark's mom. Bless her heart!

Anet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anet said...

That deleted comment was me.
My comment posted twice for some reason. :)

Susan Ramey Cleveland said...

Praying for Mark, you, and the whole family. God bless you all.

Spruce Hill said...

I am sorry you both have to go throught this. My Aunt who is now 76 has Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed in her early 60's and has had a hard time of it. It is very hard on my Mom and my Aunt's family. My Mom recommends a book called the 36 hour day by Nancy L. Mace. It might help you out.
I will keep your family in my prayers.